Here I am , loving work, then getting  overwhelmed by my personal life, feeling contradiction..and then, IT HIT ME. My personal life is "work", as well. In fact, everything I do, is work, everything.

Its when I blank out, that I have lost. Coming home,  turning the tv on, relaxing, wasting life, emailing, is such waste. I want ...<< MORE >>

I do not have much to write, I am spending all my time writing, a really long story. Also, most of the day, I am doing homework. I need to do even more. Homework is something, I need to master, to really get good grades.

I went to job interview, it was too far away. I had to turn ...<< MORE >>

Me walking thru the Bellagio, I think, after swimming. I am not wearing any makeup, here. This was Last night. I was waiting for an elevator. You have to go thru casinos to get to any elevator in Las Vegas. I did not gamble once. I do not believe in it.<< MORE >>

MAY 11

I just finished two job interviews, in Coral Gables. I just got 2 phone calls, for a position in Miami Beach, and one in Miami. I placed an ad, in the newspaper, that I was looking, for work in the Gables.

My job interview, this morning, was with a Doctor, who has a nice practice, close to me, ...<< MORE >>

I am dripping with love, for all the people, I just took the Landmark advanced course, with. I mean, every face I see, I know in such a unique, and special way.

I cannot tell you, how Landmark education, has affected me. It is the happiest, I have ever been in my life, in those courses. Happiest and saddest. Literally, you are changed in ...<< MORE >>

Letting go of attachments, to people, to objects..

I feel good, I do , a little better after writing that story last night. It had a message for me. It did.

People say I am too hard on myself, well, I am, for good reason. For a long time I went against myself, selling out for nothing , for love, ...<< MORE >>

May 1

Ashley remembered her long hair, she was going to brush, until it shines, in the morning. She was waiting for the rain, to come down, so she could reach, into her wooden closet, and take out her pale white slip. It matched her skin, she was so pale. She remembered, she was waiting for someone, to show up ...<< MORE >>

I made a decision, for real, that I will only do what feels right, forever in the present. I feel so alive. I know what to do, I do, I know. Knowing, is not everything, it is trusting. I have a million of opportunities to settle for less, but I want the best. How come I haven't wanted the best in me? How come I haven't always been consistent with doing the right thing, in my own life? I want to write about everything, because now, there is nothing I can be ashamed of. I am in love with heroes, and I do get disappointed, but I want to be around real heroes. Those who are talented and live for themselves and noone else. I am flawed and have live flawed. I have not believed greatness was possible or even real. I have been a looter and have lived off others, and have made demands and expected sacrifice. I have earned exactly what I have. ( nothing). I have all this money but am poor. Even if I have and make more, it will never buy back my virtue , or true love.<< MORE >>

This young, blonde guy, offered to carry my watermelons home, from the supermarket. He was from Paris. I thought, how strange, Paris. He is 24 years old. Alot, of our conversation was ungenuine and fake.  We were both hiding things. Anyways, he told me Americans have two personalities, real puritan ...<< MORE >>

Also when eating mono fruit, it is like I am eating filler. My tastebuds are kind of killed off, eating fruit. Fruit is magic tasting, but there are no salts, spices, syrup sugars, grease, that make cooked food taste good. SO, I am eating to satisfy by body, ...<< MORE >>

Sunday, April 01, 2007 Some photos. I need to start taking my camera with me. I have had very lucid moments. Very still and beautiful. I go to jamba juice to get orange juice. I don't even speak to anyone, I just go in and stand there with my big black sunglasses, and they give me what I need and I give them my Jamba card. I love the warm sun on my arms when I walk there. << MORE >>

What do I think what LOVE IS?

Passion
obsession
dream
paradise
crazy
unconditional love

Love to me goes like this:

1 meet them
2 something happens
3 fall in love
4 everything they do is amazing
5 love the way they look, smell,
6 Count moments to be with them
7 slowly goes downhill
8 something is in the way of things
9 ...<< MORE >>

Eating a big juicy bowl of Papaya squirted with Lime juice

I literally GAVE MYSELF permission to: not listen to myself. Why? because I was talking to myself, and I was being really, really mean . So I decided, I am not good for myself, and have never been. ...<< MORE >>

Dear IAMS

Have you guys completely sold out ??? I just saw this:

http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/Prefs.asp?video=iams

This video, is this for real?

Feeding dogs lethal food? Cutting CHUNKS from their thighs?
What have you guys turned into?

HELLO WAKE UP AND SEE WHAT OTHERS SEE YOU HAVE DONE!

You ...<< MORE >>

It's a big mistake, a trap to say, I will be happy when I get X ( amount of $) in the bank, because X amount is never enough, when you get there. X amount always changes.

I mean , to be rich, one has to "BE" ...<< MORE >>

P>RC DINI was a guy who ate alot of fruit. He started Nature's First law with David Wolfe and Steve Arlin, but later disappeared. I asked Steve once and he wrote me that RC is probably sitting in the sun naked right now somewhere on a beach.

I always loved his writings, like RAW COURAGE and got his humor.

He wrote some recipes called GOOD MOOD FOOD, but it is no longer online. I am copyng here some I had from a photocopy. He likes strange combinations and uses spicy stuff alot.

Tropical Snow- Mature coconut meat, 2 globs of honey and some water to blend.."for the perfect pooh"

Guava Nectar- Guava, honey and ice..<< MORE >>

P>11pm -Tangerine juice
Midnight -Orange juice
11 am -Watermelon juice
2pm -Tomato, Cucumbers, Lemon juice and Avocado salad
5pm- 7 cups of Mamey Sapote, Date and ice/water smoothie
7pm -Marinated Cucumbers in Lemon juice/salt
10 pm-  Guacamole wrapped  in Romaine
Midnight - Sunflower seed mylk, Dates, 6 raw Cacao beans
12 pm- Mashed Avocado, Tomato, Cucumbers and Lemon juice in Romaine leaves
1 pm - Watermelon juice
3 pm -  Watermelon juice, entire viatmix

March 21

Fruitarian Diary

Smoothie with 1/2 a local Papaya, ice/water and honey

Watermelon juice

Guacamole ( Tomatoes, Avocado and Lemon juice/salt) with chopped Kirby Cucumbers wrapped in Romaine leaves.

A frozen raw vegan chocolate macaroon that has been in my freezer 6 months from Pure food and Wine, NYC. See I am not perfect, it was only one. Plus it took me 6 hours to nibble it. It's mostly shredded coconut and powdered cacao bean.

I made this, it is squeezed Tangerine Juice over Haas avocado and orange colored Sapodilla cubed, The seeds are from a purple Passionfruit, the dark brown hard stuff is Tamarinds I had to peel off the seeds and chop.

I took a beautiful nap today. I said to myself, I just want to be whatever it is I am and I fell asleep being me, in all my faults and mistakes.<< MORE >>

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